“My Wife Would Never Do That”

This is one of the most common phrases that we hear from men that we know, and sadly, they’re talking about adventures.  Here’s how it usually goes:  Andrew is talking with a friend or a coworker about a trip that our family has been on.  Soon, his friend starts getting really excited about it and wants to go themselves.  Then, reality hits them and they dejectedly say “my wife would never do that”.

I wish that we could say that we rarely hear this, but it is becoming the norm.  Several times a month, Andrew comes home at the end of the day, thanking me for being willing to go on adventures together, after he has one of these conversations.  Well ladies, it’s time to cut it out.  When it all comes down to it, we have so much control over our husbands.  Don’t let that control turn into a disappointed husband who always says “oh, but my wife would never be willing to do that”.

Chances are, there was a time in your life when you embraced adventure, even sought it out.  Those magical days of dating were probably filled with outings to impress each other and adventures of all sorts.  You willingly go on camping trips,hike to unknown romantic destinations, or if you’re like me you pretend you like something like rock climbing.  Then something tragic happens…you get married!  Not that marriage is tragic, but the complacency that often accompanies it is.  We stop trying to impress our spouse and are constantly content to just “stay in”.  Throw a few kids in the mix and the excuses for why you should not go on adventures are compounded.  Naptime, feeding schedules, and diapering seem to control life so it’s easy to say no (read Naptime is NOT sacred).  Top it off with the fact that it’s become pretty socially acceptable for women to avoid adventure, and you’re doomed to be housebound for life.

The problem is, that men want adventure.  They want to spend their time doing something and push themselves to the limit.  Help them feel like this is important.  Show an interest in the things that they value.  Be brave and embark on an adventure with them, even if it’s “not your thing”.  Remember, this is the person that you chose to marry.  If you want them to show an interest in your hobbies, be willing to reciprocate.  Go and rely on each other and find the adventurer that lurks deep inside of you.  Don’t become one of those wives who won’t go out and do things or your husband will stop asking and find someone else to spend time with.  Soon, it won’t be uncommon to have him want to spend more time with his buddies than with you.  Oh, and you’ll likely be stuck at home with the kids all day on a Saturday while he’s out having the time of his life.  Don’t let it come to that – be a wife who’s willing to go!

Right now, we’re in the middle of the hardest time of year for our marriage – accountant busy season.  The time of year where Andrew works long hours, multiple weekends, and isn’t really allowed to take time off.  We fight more, Andrew is exhausted, I’m begging for a break from ‘Mommyhood’, and the stress level is noticeably higher around our house.  Luckily, we make it a priority to ski as a family a few times a month, and I think that’s the only thing that saves our sanity.  Summer is always an excited blur of activity.  We have more time off, we play together more, go camping and hiking often, and balance it all off with our endless list of yard work.  Somehow this flurry of activity, makes us happier and our marriage stronger.  We appreciate each other more and strengthen our relationship as we work and play together.

Be brave and go out of your comfort zone – if not for you, for your husband.  He’ll love you for it!

Check out the Kid Project’s post on Giving Him License to Fail.  We’re teaming up with them for this series to talk about all things marriage and adventure related.

12 Comments

  • Suzi says:

    We love our family adventures! Skiing, snowshoeing, camping, kayaking, hiking, rafting, trail riding… let’s go have fun. While we do protect our son’s nap (it works better for us – when overtired our 2 1/2 year old quickly becomes overstimulated and gets night terrors) we get out most weekends. I can’t imagine life without our adventures.

  • Schmath says:

    Haha. I’m totally that wife who doesn’t want to go out on adventures! Mostly cuz Ryan has recently taken up really dangerous hobbies, like off-road racing. I don’t even support him going to Mexico, where there’s tons of drug-violence, so there’s no way I’m taking my kids there right now. And I’m definitely not strapping them into a race car! Sometimes it’s okay to disappoint your husband if you’re the one with common sense.

  • Kate C says:

    Funny, right now I’m the wife who is just ITCHING to get out on an adventure. I haven’t been climbing outside since November, and I feel like I’m wilting away for lack of sun. But my husband is just not up for it. He’d rather be home, where things are easy and comfortable with the kiddo. You say above “The problem is, that men want adventure. They want to spend their time doing something and push themselves to the limit.” And, you know what, WOMEN DO TOO! I want to take my kid to the crag and sit in the sun and climb and feel good! Why do I feel like nobody else around me feels the same way? Maybe because it’s February…. :)

  • jen says:

    So true. I always wondered how couples managed to stay close when they are always off doing different things or when one (usually the man) goes off on the weekends while the women stays home. I love getting some alone or girl time in but family time in the outdoors is what fuels me!

  • Eva says:

    We need some of the reverse of that over here too, like Kate! Nothing extreme, even, just an afternoon out somewhere would do me fine.

  • Wendy says:

    Great Post!!! I think that having adventures together will do wonders for a relationship.

  • Cami says:

    For our 8 year anniversary my husband and I went on a “water-hike”. There is a place called Fossil Creek near our home that is a beautiful hike filled with swimming holes and a waterfall. We got to a place where we could jump off a rock into the swimming hole. My husband went for it immediately. I have a huge fear of jumping from heights and thought I was past the point of peer pressure to do these things, not so. My hubby was sorely disappointed when I was scared to death to jump. It took me a while to jump into the black hole of water below, but I did it because I love my husband and I love going on adventures with him, he’s my best friend. And no I did not get hurt or drown ; )

  • June says:

    Funny, in my family it’s more like “My husband would never do that!” Lately he’s been willing to meet me halfway but I’m definitely the one with the adventure spirit.

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